Frank U. McBoob: The Life


Bud Light

Is it just me or is it that everytime I drink a Bud Light it tastes nastier and nastier?

Tonight, I took a sip of one and I was pretty sure I was drinking Snuffulufugus's urine.

I wouldn't put it past him, but it was a fresh can and there's no way he could have got his pee into an un-opened can without driving to St. Louis to do it. And while he can drive, he can't go that far.

Frank U. McBoob


This Blog is Worth A Lot!

Pretty crazy... when I started this blog, I never realized that it would someday be worth B$2,773.51. That's quite a bit of money. I have no idea what it means, but I wish I could get that money for myself.

Here's a look at what some of my friend's and enemy's blogs are worth:
Woot! Woot! (B$220,679.95)
Postsecret (B$194,697.94)
Mighty Dyckerson (B$6,969.46)
RevRee (B$6,641.74)
Adventures of Chad Cleanly (B$5,482.50)
Iron Shoulder (B$3,177.99)
Being Pregnant is Crazy! (B$2,283.76)

Wow... I've got some rich blogs.

Frank U. McBoob


Does anyone else despise the stupid codes required for posting something?

It always takes me two attempts to get it right, letters look like other letters, because they're smashed against each other. X's look like Y's and y's look like nickels.

Let me know your opinion on the matter, because I'm thinking about turning them off. Hopefully, anonymous doesn't come back then. I'll fight him to the death if he does though.

Frank U. McBoob


You're an Idiot

This morning, a man cut me off while I was driving to work. I leaned out the window and told him he was an idiot. He told me to go suck on a toe.

I love feet, so that's what I did when I got home.

Frank U. McBoob


My Freaking Awesome Christmas

So... my christmas was freaking awesome. I think most people would agree that Christmas was invented to be awesome... that and to deliver Jesus.

Anyway, I finally got my iPod Micro (see photo at bottom, in case you didn't see it a couple months ago when I told everyone I wanted one). They are limited edition, so you probably can't get one. Steve Jobs is a pretty big fan of my weather work (he had a summer home in Alberta) and so he hooked me up with one. Me and like three other people have one (1. Pope Benedict 2. Fidel Castro and 3. Roseanne.. true story)

However, not only did I get an iPod Micro, my friend got me 20 different potato chips that all look like something. Some of my faves... a chip that looks like the sun when the sun looks like a a golden retriever.. A chip that appears to be a Ford Taurus. Another chip that looks like the Virgin Mary moments after giving birth. Anyway, there's a lot more...

Then... Mother McBoob got me a sewing kit. I took it back already and exchanged it for a package of Neosporin and Tylenol.

Finally, Snuffulufugus got me a sweet new ride. Can't really give you anymore details about the ride though... I think Snuffulufugus stole it, so I might get in trouble if word gets out.

Still in the process of packing. However, I am not moving to the Lou though (Although, I used the Lou this morning.) I've got some bad news. Me and that girl broke up. I freaking hate her. Here's the story...

I call her Christmas Eve and I'm like "Hey, what's up Sugar-Lumpkin."
And she says, "Don't call me that, Ted."
I say, "Ted?"
She says, "Ya. Te.... oh no...." ten to two-hundred second silence "I mean... Frank."
"Who is Ted?"
"No one Frank."

Then I hung up. I hate her. Other than that though... my Christmas was freaking awesome.

Frank U. McBoob
My New iPod Micro


Merry Christmas

I would like to wish everyone that is a faithful reader of The Life a very Merry Christmas.

And if you don't believe in Christmas... well, have fun roasting in Hell you pagan bastard.

Frank U. McBoob

P.S. Happy New Year, too! (And if you don't follow the western calendar, may you die a slow and painful death in the year "2006" or whatever year is next on your pathetic and pitiful calendar.)


Long Story Short

Apologies to McSweeney's and Zhubin Parang, but I just have to tell you this story... I just don't have much time.

Yesterday, I'm in the supermarket getting some cabbage, beef, gnochi, and pancake mix. Anyway, I see one of my best friends looking at the tortilla shelf picking them up, smelling them, and putting them back down. I walked over and asked her what she was doing and apparently, if you smell tortillas you can tell whether they are fresh or not. So, I start picking up the tortillas and giving them a good whiff. Anyway, long story short, my underwear got stuck in the truck's pistons and I had to run home naked.

Frank U. McBoob


Sometimes you feel like a nut...

So, this morning I just got back from the Lou... That would be St. Louis... not the bathroom... and anyway, I go in to check on my potato chip that is shaped like a pinkie toe that looks like a banana and it's gone.

I have looked all over for the freaking thing and its disappearance is driving me crazy. What happened to it? I asked myself.

Then I walk outside and look at Snuffuluffugus's poo... and yep... there it is.

That little bastard.

Frank U. McBoob


Moving Some Stuff

Well, folks... I'm moving some of my stuff to St. Louis this week. I'll be in and out, but I'll be out more than in.

So, just keep that in mind, when you come around these parts.

Also, FYI, I found a potato chip yesterday in the shape of a pinkie toe that is shaped like a banana. Thinking about selling it on Ebay.

Frank U. McBoob


Itchy Feet

Man... last night, I awoke in the middle of the night and my feet itched like crazy.

I lay awake for a couple hours just itching them, because that's what I thought it called for. Eventually, I put moisturizer on them and that helped a little. I was finally able to fall back asleep.

Anyway, this morning I wake up, and I apparently scatched my entire left foot off. And my right foot? Perfect. It feels like a million dollars.

Frank U. McBoob



I love toast. I especially love it with peanut butter on top. I especially love it even more when it's tasty wheat toast with peanut butter on top. And I love natrual style peanut butter. I love mixing in that oil at the top (It makes me feel like I created my own peanut butter). And I love the American Roofing System. And most of all, I love you, Felicity VanGluteus.

Frank U. McBoob