I used to be fat...

Don't know if anyone here knows this (I'm sure some of you do), but I used to be quite fat. One of my friends was talking about whether it was socially acceptable to wear only sweatpants.

Unfortunately, it's not. I could only fit into sweatpants when I was fat. I couldn't even fit into a shirt... I wore a tarp. I just wrapped the tarp around my body and then moved really fast through crowds of people. I did this for two reasons, 1) I was embarrassed that I was so fat that I had to wear sweatpants and a tarp and 2) I was hoping if I went fast, no one would notice that my shirt was actually just a tarp wrapped around my body.

Unfortunately, it didn't work... I ran over two people and injured them and once I started a stampede because people were freaked out that the family tent could run.

In the end, I lost weight. Thank goodness.

Sincerely,
Frank U. McBoob